I crawled into bed last night with a lump in my throat. Not a lump like I was about to cry. An actual, protruding (at least, it felt like it was protruding) lump. As I wiggled around uncomfortably, trying to ignore it and just go to sleep, Jake asked me what was wrong. “I have a pill stuck in my throat.” Oh yes. Have you ever had a pill stuck in your throat? I honestly think it’s one of the single most annoying feelings in the world. Because it doesn’t necessarily hurt. It just sits there unmoving, daring you to think about anything other than the fact that there’s a pill stuck in your throat.
Jake told me to cough. I tried to cough, but what followed was more a series of awkward heaving which turned into laughter. Apparently I can’t cough on command. And the pill did not move. So I laid there discussing my situation (although Jake would label it as whining), until he finally told me to go get a drink of water.
WHAT? Get a drink of water!? Of course this seems like very logical reasoning, but he was forgetting one thing. Getting a drink of water required GETTING OUT OF BED. It required forfeiting the warmth of the covers and soft pillow for a cold tile floor and chilly water. No sir, not me, no thank you. I’ll lay here squirming until I fall asleep, pill or no pill in my throat…
Well, as you might have guessed,
Jake the annoying pill won. I slowly got out of bed and then sprinted to the sink, possibly adding in a few unnecessary squeals about the cold along the way. But at least when I slipped back under the covers my throat no longer had a protruding lump. And now I’ve learned my lesson: always have a glass of water on the nightstand so you never have to get out of bed.